When we stop taking responsibility for how we feel, we project how we feel onto others. One of the fundamental insights about emotional maturity is that we are responsible for our own emotional lives. No one makes us feel any particular way. If ten people are subjected to the same emotional environment, they will all feel different about what was said to them. What happens is mostly on automatic pilot because we are not conscious of it.
When someone tells you, ‘I love you,’ and then you feel, ‘Oh, I must be worthy after all,’ that’s an illusion. That’s not true. Or someone says, ‘I hate you,’ and you think, ‘Oh, God, I knew it; I’m not very worthy,’ that’s not true either. Neither one of these thoughts hold any intrinsic reality. They are an overlay. When someone says, ‘I love you,’ he is telling you about himself, not you. When someone says, ‘I hate you,’ she is telling you about herself, not you. World views are self views—literally.
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