ptsd – סלומה

“Children are initially wired to respond angrily to
parental abuse or neglect until they learn that protesting parental
unfairness is the greatest and most punishable crime possible. This then
renders their anger silent and subliminal where it percolates as an
ever accumulating sea of resentment, that fuels the critic’s prodigious
habits of fault finding and seeing danger in everyone. Viewing all
relationships through the lenses of parental abandonment, the outer
critic never lets down its guard. It continuously projects old unworked
through childhood anger onto others and silently scapegoats them by
blowing current disappointments out of proportion. It then cites these
insignificant transgressions as justification for relentless fuming,
silent grumbling and long resentful rumination. To bastardize Elizabeth
Barrett Browning: “How do I find thee lacking? Let me count the ways.”
When the displaced blaming of the wrong person becomes habitual, it
manifests as passive-aggressiveness. Common examples of this are
distancing oneself in hurt and irritable withdrawal or pushing others
away via backhanded compliments, hurtful teasing, poor listening and the
withholding of positive feedback and appreciation. Chronic lateness and
poor follow through on commitments can also be an unconscious,
passive-aggressive way of expressing anger to others.”

— Pete Walker, “Shrinking the outer critic in complex PTSD”

“Childhood trauma can affect a person so greatly because
of its prescence in the time of developmemt. Events that would normally
change a person become embedded in every fiber of one’s identity. It is
this time of life which is so crucial to your entire future. This is the
unique nature of C-PTSD, which doesn’t merely change a person, it
creates them. It builds every trait, interest, and understanding of the
world with this toxin. Nothing is unaffected or unaltered because all
there is to alter was created by the trauma. Moving forward is not
moving back to before the trauma, it is in every essence a rebirth and
reeducation of life itself. To move on we can not erase, because to
erase trauma’s effect we in theory erase ourselves.”

— Understanding Childhood C-PTSD