Tag: quotes

All too often women believe it is a sign of commitment, an expression of love, to endure unkindness or cruelty, to forgive and forget. In actuality, when we love rightly we know that the healthy, loving response to cruelty and abuse is putting ourselves out of harm’s way.

Bell Hooks, All About Love

Cut a chrysalis open, and you will find a rotting caterpillar. What you will never find is that mythical creature, half caterpillar, half butterfly, a fit emblem of the human soul, for those whose cast of mind leads them to seek such emblems. No, the process of transformation consists almost entirely of decay.

Pat Barker, Regeneration

We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.

Pema Chödrön, (b. 1936) American Buddhist, Nun and Teacher

Hypervigilance makes sense as a survival strategy. After our brain has perceived a life-endangering situation and gone into fight or flight, then some people’s brains will be on the alert for more situations that could also be threatening. If the type of trauma you experienced was abuse or assault, then you were hurt by a person or people. That’s obviously different than being bitten by a snake or in a car accident. And when we know our abuser, there is a breach of trust and emotional harm inherent in the assault.

So now when we find we’re getting close to someone, we start getting anxious. We look for signs we’re about to be betrayed or hurt. We get paranoid about someone’s tone or interval in responding to our texts. We’re anticipating the worst and unconsciously looking for signs that we’re right.

from How to Trust People Again